You Feel It Before You See It
Sometimes, it starts with a nagging feeling in your gut.
You’re not even sure why.
He’s charming. Attentive. Funny when he wants to be.
But something feels… off.
You feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting. Like you’re constantly trying to “figure out” where you stand.
And the truth is: some guys don’t want love. They just want attention.
The validation. The ego strokes. The thrill of knowing someone’s into them — without having to give anything real back.
And if that’s what’s going on here, it’s not your fault. But you do deserve to see it clearly.
What “Using You for Attention” Really Means
This isn’t about physical use — though it can overlap.
It’s about emotional energy.
A guy who’s using you for attention thrives on the way you light up when he texts.
He feeds on the feeling of being wanted.
But the minute you need something back — clarity, effort, consistency — he shuts down or disappears.
It’s a self-serving cycle: keep you close enough to feel desired, far enough to avoid responsibility.
So how do you tell if that’s what’s happening?
Let’s break it down.
1. He’s Inconsistent — But Just Enough to Keep You Hooked
He disappears for days, then pops back in with a flirty text.
He says he misses you — but never follows through with plans.
This “hot and cold” behavior isn’t confusion. It’s control.
He gives just enough to keep you wondering — and that uncertainty becomes addictive.
Because maybe this time, he’ll be different. Right?
That hope? That’s what he’s banking on.
2. He Seems More Interested When You Pull Away
Notice how he suddenly texts when you go quiet?
The moment you start reclaiming your space, his attention spikes.
Why? Because it’s not about you. It’s about the supply.
The second he senses his source of validation slipping away, he tries to reel it back in — not with commitment, but with crumbs.
And it works. Until it doesn’t.
3. He Doesn’t Care About What Matters to You
You’ve shared your passions. Your struggles. Your wins.
He nods — maybe. But five minutes later, he’s back to talking about himself. Again.
He remembers the things that benefit him. But your stories? Your dreams? Your boundaries?
They vanish in the void.
That’s not forgetfulness. That’s emotional laziness.
4. He’s Charming — But Only in Private
He might act like your boyfriend in DMs or late-night calls.
But in real life? Crickets.
You’re not part of his social circle. He dodges any talk of meeting your friends. You don’t exist in his world.
And that’s because he never intended to make space for you in it.
He likes the private performance of closeness — not the public commitment.
5. You’re Always Second-Guessing Yourself
You keep wondering: Is it me? Am I being too sensitive? Too needy?
Spoiler: you’re not.
This kind of dynamic often leaves women feeling like they’re the problem — when in reality, your nervous system is reacting to inconsistency.
You feel anxious not because you’re insecure — but because something’s not secure.
And your intuition knows it.
6. He Makes You Jealous on Purpose
He name-drops other women. Talks about his “crazy ex.” Casually mentions who was hitting on him last night.
Why?
Because it gives him power.
If he can get an emotional reaction from you — jealousy, insecurity, even just attention — he feels important.
That’s not harmless flirting. That’s manipulation disguised as charm.
7. He Avoids Emotional Conversations
Try to talk about feelings, and he shuts it down.
Gets defensive. Changes the subject. Suddenly “too tired.”
You can talk for hours about music or memes — but the minute it gets vulnerable? He checks out.
Because feelings require effort. And effort isn’t why he’s here.
He doesn’t want connection. He wants control.
8. You Feel Drained After Interacting With Him
Pay attention to how you feel after you’ve talked or spent time together.
Are you energized? Grounded? At peace?
Or do you feel anxious, confused, second-guessing everything you said?
Energy doesn’t lie.
If his presence leaves you emotionally tired every time — he’s taking more than he’s giving.
9. He Acts Possessive — But Won’t Commit
He doesn’t want you talking to other guys.
He gets weirdly jealous over nothing.
He wants access to you — but without the responsibility of being your partner.
This isn’t romance. This is entitlement.
If he can’t handle the idea of sharing your attention, but refuses to actually claim you in a real way — that’s a red flag.
10. He’s All Talk, No Follow-Through
He says the right things.
“I miss you.”
“You’re so special.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
But none of it leads to action. He doesn’t plan dates. Doesn’t show up. Doesn’t invest.
Words without action aren’t affection. They’re strategy.
Especially when he knows just how to say what you need to hear — so you’ll stay hooked.
11. You’re Doing All the Emotional Work
You initiate the conversations.
You check in. You explain your feelings. You try to “make it work.”
And he? He just shows up when it’s easy.
A relationship should feel mutual — not like a one-woman show.
If you feel like the emotional parent in the dynamic, it’s time to ask: What exactly am I fighting for here?
Because if he’s only showing up when it’s convenient, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in an attention loop.
So What Can You Do If This Is You?
Here’s the gentle truth: You deserve more.
You deserve clarity. Consistency. Care.
And if you realize he’s using you for attention, here’s what you can do:
- Acknowledge it for what it is — not what you wish it were.
- Pull back your energy — no explanations needed.
- Focus on you — your boundaries, your time, your peace.
- Don’t let guilt trick you into staying — that’s not love talking, it’s old habits.
You don’t have to beg someone to see your value.
And you never have to compete to be chosen.
The moment you stop feeding someone who only shows up to feed off you — you get your power back.